Define "chronic" masturbator.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
