The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
