Porn is love you can see.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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