if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
