I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
