we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
