He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you never un-have a 4some
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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