so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
