i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
