The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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