Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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