Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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