you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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