Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
please come you make the beer taste better
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize