He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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