We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
