Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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