I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
