vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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