Do you still have your period?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
