He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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