Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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