i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
