what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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