Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
