I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
