How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
