I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
