you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
