Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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