I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
