There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
