he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
