life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
