I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
