Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
