mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
