trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
