I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize