moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
