are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
