We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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