she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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