Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
