I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
