i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
