Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
