super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
50% drunk capacity currently
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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