So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
