he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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