Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
