its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
