We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
