i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
