yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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