i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
