I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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