I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
