goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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