I think i peed on brittanys purse
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
