whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
