is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
