I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
