How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
