Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
