Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
