just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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