I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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