I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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