I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
