Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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