I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
