the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
